Irina Harlamova ist noch neu bei den ARS-Autoren. Ursprünglich kommt sie aus Moldavien und ist im Genre der Drehbuchautoren zu Hause. Zur Einstimmung hat sie uns zwei kurze Texte in Englisch verfasst. „Beyond your fear“ (Hinter deiner Angst) und „A leap forward“ (Ein Sprung nach vorne) liefern unseren Lesern mit den Augen einer Drehbuchautorin einen szenischen Blick in die Welt.
Beyond your fear
It’s a warm, sunny summer afternoon. We are in a small, stuffy, dusty and almost dark wooden building, like a barn. Thin sunbeams are barely exuding through the small holes between the boards. There are two of us: me and my friend. We are moving around the room and arguing; he’s trying to persuade me to jump from a rock into the ocean. He knows that I am afraid of height, but he’s sure the only way to overcome fear is to do what you’re scared of.
At last I give up and we are driving to the seaside. We are at the top of the rock. I am almost trembling from fear, but my friend is trying to encourage me, saying that I would like the jump. It is evening, the sun is going down, and the sky is burning with orange and red colours. We are approaching the brink edge, I close my eyes. My friend is holding my hand, leading me towards the edge and whispering cheer words. Finally, I don’t feel the ground beneath my feet, I am swiftly flying down. The wind is blowing in my clothes and my hair. I feel myself free and happy. I open my eyes for a moment and see a big, round sun-disk that is slightly touching the surface of the water. I sink into the ocean. I am going down deeper and deeper until my feet touch the ground. For a while I stay calmly under the water, watching the sunlight playing. At least I feel that I can hardly breath, so I start rising to the surface. I almost approach it when I see my friend swimming towards me. He’s seizing me by the hand and pulling me out of the water. “How was it?” –he asks excitedly, but gladly. “It was great! I want more.” – I answer heatedly, my face shining with happiness.
A leap forward
It is a really hot day. No, it’s not hot, it’s stuffy outdoors. I even have nothing to breathe with. I’m sitting in my car; I’m dressed in a dark business suit. There’s no thought in my head, just a strange feeling. It’s not because of the weather…there is something wrong with my life…that’s why it is so hard to breathe. I get out of the car. There’s nobody around, no sounds of birds, no blowing of wind. It feels like time has stopped, life has stopped. I’m standing in the middle of the street, near the bread –store in my granny’s village. I look to the horizon. It feels like if I run beyond it I will find life. The stuffiness is getting harder. It feels like everything around me is unreal. I decide to start running. I run far, far away from my car. But even running I don’t feel like anything is changing – time stands still; nothing is happening.
I suddenly appear in front of the gates of the village kindergarten. I enter them. There’s nobody around. Suddenly I see a young girl with a long dark hair, dressed in everything white. She’s standing on the grass bare-footed. She’s calling me, so I take off my shoes and step on the grass. It is so soft and cool; I begin to feel myself much easier, even the air doesn’t seem as stuffy as before. I am approaching the girl.
She takes me by the hands and we start going round-and-round; then faster and faster. She tells me not to be afraid, and I’m trying to kill my fear. I am trying to calm down and not to think about my future, about uncertainty of life. Slowly we’re taking off the ground; we’re levitating, still going round-and round; it feels like merry-goes-round, only in the air. I’m not afraid anymore. I feel no stuffiness. I feel free. My business suit disappears and I get dressed in white, light clothes that slightly cover my body. I look up and see the blue sky and tops of the trees that are going round-and-round. And the wind is waving my hair.
Irina Harlamova, im Juni 2016
Foto: Pia Forkheim